Many years ago, as Hubs and I stumbled through the valley of infertility, I struggled a lot with the Lord. I faced well-intentioned loved ones who told me I just needed more faith, and then we’d get pregnant.
But more, I questioned that God loved me as much as He loved other people.
If He loved me, why did He withhold this heart desire? Why did he not fulfill the innate yearning to carry a pregnancy to term and to nurture a child?
I still remember the day.
I was running errands, driving on some busy Las Vegas road (where we lived at the time) and confronting the Lord with my accusations.
He’d given teenaged mothers pregnancies they didn’t want, and many of them weren’t ready for motherhood. He’d given lots of women pregnancies who then aborted their children.
So why didn’t He gift women like me—who desperately wanted a child—a pregnancy? I asked Him why He didn’t love me as much as He loved others. What had I done wrong?
His response? It floored me.
“Jeanne, there is nothing you can do that will make Me love you more. There’s no way for Me to love you more because I already love you completely.”
And there it was.
God didn’t love me less than others, simply because He hadn’t gifted me with a baby in my womb. He loved me completely, perfectly, passionately. With all of who He is.
He blew my mind. And my thoughts. And His words comforted my heart.
He helped me to see that His choosing not to give Hubs and me a pregnancy wasn’t because He loved me/us less. It was because He had a different plan for us, and He was bringing it to fruition in our lives.
Grasping how much my Father loved me enabled me to trust Him more. I was able to set aside the nagging doubts that my faith wasn’t strong enough. That I wasn’t good enough or worthy enough.
His words to my heart that day revealed some wrong thinking I’d clung to for years. They unveiled the fears I’d carried since my girlhood. Fears that I was less-than, not-deserving of good things.
The funny thing is, once I embraced the truth that God loved me that much, my confidence in His love became unshakable.
We all face heartbreak, disappointment, disillusionment when things don’t go the way we think they should.
We have—or will—walk through seasons that rock us to the core. But, when we know that we know God loves us? We can find comfort knowing that, if He’s allowed a hard thing into our lives, He’s going to walk it out with us.
He’s going to give us what we need to get through, and even to thrive. When we believe that God means what He says—that He loves us completely, that there is nothing we can do to cause Him to stop loving us—we find confidence when we face those hard seasons.
God doesn’t allow pain into our lives for no reason. He’s not a capricious Father. When He permits heartache to enter our lives, He has a plan in the midst of it. He doesn’t cause the pain, but He does use it to shape us into people after His own heart.
We have to choose though. What will we believe about God when those difficult trials slam us? Will we shake a fist at Him?
We may, as we work through the emotions that come with that pain. But hopefully, when the heat of our emotions, our hurt, our confusion ebbs, we can come back to the truth that God loves us.
He rejoices over us with gladness. Can you even imagine??
He quiets us with His love. In those hard seasons, He knows how to comfort us and to still the raucous waters within.
He rejoices over us with singing. All because He loves us.
What about you? What in your life has helped you grasp the reality that God loves you? If you struggle with believing God loves you this much, what would help you believe?