Five Minute Friday scribblings, Infertility

Morning: When We Need Light

Autumn sunrise 2 copy

+Jeanne Takenaka @JeanneTakenaka

Our Five Minute Friday prompt this week is—MORNING. This largely unedited “rough draft” form of writing stretches this perfectionist, in the best of ways. I write for five minutes on a given topic. If you’re interested in learning more about 5-Minute Fridays, check out our hostess, Kate Motaung’s site. Or, click on the link at the bottom of this post. As you read my simpler Friday posts, I hope you’ll join in the conversation!


Walking through our season of infertility felt like stumbling through a long night.

The despair I sometimes grappled with, the questions of if we would ever become parents.

The darkness of focusing on self rather than God took me to some scary places.

When He showed me that having a child had become my idol? Oh, that hurt. But that was also the first crack of dawn in the darkness of my soul. Whenever God shows us that our hearts are set on something else, it hurts.

Sometimes we need the hard words of His truth to help us return to His light. When we focus on other things, whether it is an unmet desire like mine, or anything else that takes our eyes off of Him, we begin to walk in shadows. If we continue on that path long enough, we wander into full night.

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Sometimes, God allows us to walk in those dark places for a little while. Sometimes it takes walking in darkness before we begin to see our need for Him. When our hearts are hurting, when our minds are confused . . . that’s when we need His light the most.

God is a compassionate God. His lovingkindnesses are new every morning. His compassions never fail. Even when we don’t understand why He’s allowed us into the place where we are, His faithfulness is great.

Sometimes, it takes walking in the dark of night before we can truly see the beauty of His morning light. Before we can experience those loving kindnesses He gives us each morning and through each day.

When He opened my eyes to see the idol I had made of motherhood, I could see the darkness I’d placed myself in. Then, I could choose to walk in His light. We can each do this, every day, when necessary. We can choose to walk in His light, rather than darkness.

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I had a hard time focusing for this word, for some reason. There’s so much that comes with morning, but I think the thing I like the best is that His light cracks the dark of night, instilling us with His hope, and giving us the courage to walk forward with Him.

What about you? How have you seen God shine His light in the middle of your darkness? What helps you to walk in His light?

I’m linking up with Kate Motaung’s Five Minute Friday—Morning

26 thoughts on “Morning: When We Need Light”

  1. I have! Through every hard time in my life, I’ve held on to the hope that joy would come in the morning. And it has. Of course, my definition of ‘morning’ is, you know, the next 12 hours–God just laughs gently and reminds me that ‘morning’ is when the darkness is over–but his faithfulness allows me to understand that morning WILL break.


  2. Beautiful, Jeanne. This was the same experience I had when still single and in college. Marriage (and motherhood afterward) had become my idol.

    And having to walk in darkness first-oh you captured it all so beautifully!!

    Thank you for a moving post! 💖💖



  3. “Whenever God shows us that our hearts are set on something else, it hurts.” Ouch indeed. I remember talking to a friend a few months ago about how much “joy comes in the morning” sometimes hurt me– because I wanted morning NOW. Why did I have to wait for the darkness to end? It’s so hard. I wanted joy and healing right then, not the next morning. It’s a hard thing to grapple with. Walking in the dark is hard, but you’re right– it shows us how much we NEED the light. Thanks for the reminder and thought-provoking words, friend!


    1. I’m with you, Jordan. There are times when I want morning to come NOW. I guess sometimes it’s in the waiting when we learn to see God’s light the clearest.And when we can see our need for His light? That’s when we’re ready to go deeper with Jesus. 🙂 Thanks for stoping by!


    1. Thank goodness God DOES give us glimpses of His light when we’re walking in darkness. I’m so thankful He never leaves us or forsakes us, right? Have a great weekend, friend!


  4. THIS: “Sometimes, it takes walking in the dark of night before we can truly see the beauty of His morning light.” Yes! Loved this post. I’m over in the #14 parking spot this week.


    1. I love that our God is the God of light, aren’t you? He shines His light on the lies we walk in and reveals His truth to us. I can only imagine what Heaven will be like when we see His light and where there is no night. Have a wonderful weekend, friend!


  5. Oh Jeanne, thank you for choosing to share so vulnerably and beautifully of both the loss and God’s compassion. Oh how I recognize this: “Sometimes we need the hard words of His truth to help us return to His light.” And the blunt truth of idol worship too. With me the idol was people: their love, acceptance and approval. Reading Jennifer Dukes Lee’s Love Idol opened my eyes to this and confronted me with it head-on. But the freedom that is coming from the breaking of this idol is breathing-takingly beautiful.

    Your words are a reminder to me of God’s amazing power, compassion and love in my own life. Thank you for this encouraging blessing.


    1. Anna, I’ve been in the place where peoples’ acceptance was more important than God’s acceptance too. But that’s another post for another time. 🙂 When we can accept that God’s love for us is enough? That’s when we truly begin to break free from the idolatry of people pleasing, isn’t it? Thanks for sharing a bit of yourself here today. You are a blessing!


      1. So true. Accepting God’s Love is so crucial. I’m only starting to realize just how much He truly loves us and just how much He wants us to REST in Him…and that’s what’s been the catalyst for me seeking the love and acceptance of others much less. I still fall into the trap at times: but then He always whispers His Love to me and it changes everything. We’re so incredibly loved.


  6. thank you for this beautiful post jeanne:) altho’ we didn’t struggle with infertility in the classic sense (not able to get pg) we lost 2 pregnancies..miscarriage and stillbirth, b/f having 3 healthy daughters. that sense of wondering if we would ever have a child of our own to carry away from the hospital definitely hounded me for sure, to say nothing of wondering…is GOD good? does He love me?

    certainly the realization that the desire to have a child was an idol was a reality even if we didn’t put it in those words at the time. i would now. learning to trust GOD’s goodness, love, wise providence, and sovereignty all became things I learned through those experiences and many other painful ones.

    i love that Raymond Edman (former Wheaton college president from many years ago) quote from many years ago…Never doubt in the darkness what you learned in the light. sometimes it works the other way around too doesn’t it?

    i’m at #21:)


    1. It sounds like we learned some of the same lessons, Martha. 🙂 I learned a lot about God’s sovereignty during that time in my life too. And the biggest thing about that was that in His sovereignty was His love, if that makes sense. I’m sorry you lost pregnancies. That’s so heart breaking, even though I know it was a long time ago. A mama always remembers.

      I love that thought from Raymond Edman. I need to remember that. And yes, to also remember the lessons we learn in the darkness. Thanks for sharing here, friend.


  7. Jeanne, I remember the moment I accepted my 12 years of infertility and worshiped His Light instead. That lesson has helped me with other things in life I’ve been tempted to idolize. God is gracious in that He waits for us to catch up to His will for us. This is my new favorite post of yours. Well done, dear friend.
    Blessings ~ Wendy


    1. I agree, Wendy. It was learning those lessons in infertility that have taught me life-long lessons I’ve taken with me on the journey beyond that dark place. I like what you said about God being gracious in His waiting for us to catch up to His will for us.

      Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here, and for your encouragement! I so appreciate you!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I have had times when I have so looked at what I wanted that I missed how He was providing what I really needed at the time. I appreciate your words of wisdom here. Thank you, friend! Happy Weekend to you!


  9. Oh yes, Jeanne, in the midst of my grief over losing my son to suicide God showed His love and light and mercy over and over again. One of the biggest ways was seeing how my daughter rededicated her life to God and grew so close to Him. Praise God for His new mercies every morning.

    ~#79 this wk


    1. Lynette, I have said for years that God works in multi-faceted ways. We never see all the glints of His light in the situations we face. I’m so glad your daughter recommitted her life to the Lord. I’m guessing that was a comfort in the aftermath of your family’s tragedy. And I’m with you: Praise God for His new mercies every morning!


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